Kill Me Now!

About the book

The author spends his time trying to find the ONE, his soulmate, that special someone that he will spend the rest of his life with. Where is she hiding? Have they crossed paths before? Is she out there? While searching for Ms. Right, the author goes looking for love and gets into the strangest...

Kill Me Now!

Time for some jokes

Some jokes to lighten the mode

Some jokes to lighten your mood

Image courtesy of farconville FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Editor's choiceHow long has it been since you had a good laugh? Here are some jokes. Please bear in mind that some of them are quite rude. I hope I do not offend anyone.

South Brooklyn Tony ON MATH

South Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,’ I said ’6,’” replies TONY.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.

“Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!”

South Brooklyn Tony ON ENGLISH

South Brooklyn Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”
TONY says “Mas-tur-bate.”
Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, South Brooklyn Tony, that’s a mouthful.”
Little TONY says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”

South Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

South Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!” The teacher replied, “Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate’. Please use the word ‘urinate‘ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
South Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!”

South Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”
She said, “Excellent, Michael!”
Then the teacher reluctantly called on South Brooklyn Tony.
“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!’”

South Brooklyn Tony ON GETTING OLDER

South Brooklyn Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”
South Brooklyn Tony replied, “You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”
South Brooklyn Tony answered, “No, he minded his own fucking business.”

 

Lawrence Fisher

Lawrence is a social media enthusiast and a blogger who loves writing about dating and promoting other authors. He is also a programmer with many years of experience. Check out his book and you will laugh. Do keep in touch with him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter and on Google+. You can email him at info@killmenow.org.

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