Kill Me Now!

About the book

The author spends his time trying to find the ONE, his soulmate, that special someone that he will spend the rest of his life with. Where is she hiding? Have they crossed paths before? Is she out there? While searching for Ms. Right, the author goes looking for love and gets into the strangest...

Kill Me Now!

Lose Weight by Running

Want to Lose Weight?

Who doesn’t want to lose weight, people will tell me. I also have a few kilos or pounds that I want to lose and I have taken up running to help me. Note that I said help. I have a lovely young wife and I want to look good as well, so I took up running. My doctor told me that I should run 5km every day. My good buddy, Ed from my book, told me that I must call him when I reach London! That may be in a few weeks Ed!

So I decided that I wanted to join some like-minded people and perhaps run with them. I can always be relied on to protect the rear. I saw a sign at the local gymnasium for a “running grope” in the park. Is the grope a prize or punishment? Do I run while groping or am I the one being grouped? Help, “Kill Me Now!”

I have to be honest and tell you that I prefer to run behind a young petite lady. This is for the same reason that according to “good manners”, yeah right, men always open the door for women to let them go first.

Some guys hold doors open for a woman so they can see her ass as she passes them by.

This reminded me of a joke about a heavy guy who wanted to lose weight:

A fat man goes to a weight-loss clinic and is offered three plans to lose weight, one for $100, one for $200, and a third for $500. The man chooses the $100 plan, has a shower, then is shown into a sauna. There, sitting naked on a chair, is a young woman with a sign over her head saying, ‘If you catch me you can have sex with me!’ The man needs no more encouragement and starts chasing the woman round the room. His time runs out before he catches her, but he’s delighted when he learns he’s lost ten pounds of fat. The next day the man returns and buys the $200 plan. Again he has a shower, and again he’s shown into the sauna. Here a gorgeous naked young woman in high heels is sitting under the sign saying, ‘If you catch me you can have sex with me!’ The fat man chases the woman round the room but even in her high heels she’s able to evade him until his time is up. The next day the man returns and decides on the $500 weight-loss plan. The man has his shower and is shown into the sauna but finds it’s empty. He hears a sound and looks round as a huge male gorilla is pushed into the room. Round the gorilla’s neck is a sign saying, ‘If I catch you, I get to have sex with you!’  Help, Kill Me Now!

Sorry, I had to add this image from the Garfield cartoon:

Running to lose weight

 

Lawrence Fisher

Lawrence is a social media enthusiast and a blogger who loves writing about dating and promoting other authors. He is also a programmer with many years of experience. Check out his book and you will laugh. Do keep in touch with him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter and on Google+. You can email him at info@killmenow.org.

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