Kill Me Now!

About the book

The author spends his time trying to find the ONE, his soulmate, that special someone that he will spend the rest of his life with. Where is she hiding? Have they crossed paths before? Is she out there? While searching for Ms. Right, the author goes looking for love and gets into the strangest...

Kill Me Now!

How To Find The Perfect Partner

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person,  but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” ~ Sam Keen

In order to find the perfect partner you must get very clear on the person that you want. No- body is perfect, but finding the perfect person for you is very possible. Write down what are the qualities that you must absolutely have, your ‘Must Haves.’  If you are not clear on them, later on, this could possibly be a deal breaker. If you absolutely want to have children, then make sure that your potential partner can even have them or that they even want to have them  some day.  Make sure that you get really clear on what you want before the stars & rockets go shooting off and you find that you are back in the same kind of relationship that you may have just left.

When you are very clear even before you are in a relationship, the chances of you attracting the person with those qualities are great. Now there may be some “Must Haves” that aren’t a deal breaker and that they are at the bottom of your list.  If someone has the majority of them, then you can easily coach them to have one or two of the less important ones later on, if they feel they are important as well.  Someone may not seem to have all of your “Must Haves” in the beginning of your relationship, but a lot of times people grow as the relationship does. Just make sure your ABSOLUTE MUSTS are there  somewhat in the beginning. But I caution you, that it may take a bit for the other person to get comfortable with you to show you who truly are,  so don’t judge too quickly.

In order to attract the person with your ‘Must Haves’ you need to be the person you want your potential partner to be. If your top one is honesty, and you are a person who doesn’t always tell the truth, you may want to start being more honest yourself.  If another one of yours is someone who doesn’t drink, but you do and you go to bars on a regular basis, chances are that someone you meet probably drinks and you may have to re-evaluate yourself as well. The more you are clear on what your ‘Must Haves’ are, the more likely you have a greater chance to meet someone with those.

We go to a relationship  to give and to share, so now is the time to get yourself to this point. If you are empty, you won’t have anything to give or to share of yourself. In order for you to be able to truly love, honor, respect, trust and even at times have to forgive, you need to have already done that with yourself. So many people enter a relationship hoping that someone will help to complete them. You need to feel complete before entering a relationship, rather your potential partner should enhance & share  your completeness and vice versa.  As you enter a relationship, there are ways to continually fill yourself up with all of those wonderful things so that you  never feel empty. You don’t  ever want to feel that you don’t have any more to give  to your relationship.

When you start treating yourself like you do your loved ones and make You a priority rather then an option, life will not only get Amazing, but you will  be continually filling yourself up and can then have even more to give and share of the “Best’ You. Somewhere along the line, you may have started treating yourself as an option instead of a priority. It is a limiting belief to feel that it is selfish and that perhaps you aren’t worthy of loving yourself for whatever reason. It may be that you don’t think you are good enough. That is one of our biggest fears as humans, that we may not be good enough at some level. By feeling that you are, before getting into a relationship, you won’t go to it needy and thus only being able to take rather then to give and share.

Tips on How To Find The Perfect Partner:    

  •  Write down your ‘Must Haves’ that you want in a partner
  •  Write down your ‘Must Nots’ that you absolutely don’t want
  •  Be the person that you want your potential partner to be
  •  Go to places that your ideal partner may be {if u love art, then go to an art gallery,  shows, etc.}
  •  Work on feeling complete {filling yourself with love, honor,  respect, etc.}
  •  Take the necessary steps to make you the BEST you {if you want to  lose weight, get your teeth fixed, etc., do that now}

When you do these and are very clear on your ‘Must Haves’ you will have more of a chance of attracting your potential partner and less of a chance of falling into the same vicious cycle, that you may have been in the past. Thus, continuing to be with the same kind of partner that doesn’t even have these.  Also, it is very important that your potential partner not only have your ‘Must Haves’  but that your natures are aligned.  As ‘Must Haves” can be coachable, but you can’t change your nature.  Someone may try to be able to in order to have a relationship with you, but eventually they will go back to being who they truly are.  For instance, if you are someone who is affectionate and wants someone to be that way as well and they are not, they might be able to be that way for a short time, but it will be too hard for them to stay that way as it doesn’t resonate with them. It is because it is  not in their nature.


Lawrence Fisher

Lawrence is a social media enthusiast and a blogger who loves writing about dating and promoting other authors. He is also a programmer with many years of experience. Check out his book and you will laugh. Do keep in touch with him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter and on Google+. You can email him at

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  • Oren Epstein

    I hope that my perfect partner will also find me. I do have a problem knowing what to say

    • Susan

      You will find the perfect partner when it’s the right time for you and knowing what to say will come naturally. Thank you! Have a great day.

  • Lauryn Doll

    I agree that you have to reflect the qualities you want to find in others.

    • Susan

      Absolutely, Lauryn…like attracts like. Thanks, for stopping by. Enjoy your day :)

  • Lorrie

    Appreciated this most of all: In order to attract the person with your ‘Must Haves’ you need to be the person you want your potential partner to be. If your top one is honesty, and you are a person who doesn’t always tell the truth, you may want to start being more honest yourself.

    Advice for all areas of life and all relationships I believe.

    Thanks, Susan!

    • Susan

      You’re welcome, Lorrie. Yes, I agree it is advise for all areas of our lives and all relationships. Thank you! Have a great day :)

  • Dr. Daisy Sutherland

    Another wonderful article. It is possible to find the ‘right’ person for you..and sometimes they appear when you’re not ‘looking’ :)

    • Lawrence

      Like the song “I wasn’t looking for love until it found me”

  • Michele

    This article reminds me of the famous Ghandi quote. You must be the change you want to see
    in the world. Thanks for a great article.

    • Susan

      I like that and it reminds me of that quote as well, Michele. Thank you for stopping by. Have a wonderful day :)

  • Solvita

    Thank you Susan for all these great suggestions, I am so happy that I have found my soul mate and the best time is when you are not looking. I like the suggestions about must haves and must nots, great way to identify what are the values we appreciate the most! Great quote! Thank you again!:)

    • Susan

      You’re welcome, my beautiful friend. I am not surprised that you found your soul mate, as you are the kind of person that is on most people’s ‘Must Have’ list .;) Thank you. Have a Fabulous day!

  • Sherie

    Great tips, Susan! My favorite was “work on feeling complete”. When you feel complete and whole, then you have an easier time attracting someone else who also feels complete. I love ;your work!

    • Susan

      Thank you, Sherie. I really appreciate you. Yes, feeling complete…that we are enough…is so vital. Have a great day :)

  • Jennifer Bennett

    Great Article and I love the tips! Prior to getting married, I listed down everything that I wanted in a man and truthfully, it saved me from getting involved in relationships that I did not need to be a part of! Thanks for sharing!

    • Susan

      That is great, Jennifer that you did that before you got involved with anyone. It sounds like you found your soul mate and that in itself is such a blessing! Thank you :)

  • AJ

    Great tips!

    • Susan

      Thank you, Aj! Have a wonderful day :)

  • Gina Parris

    These are great tips!! I wrote a list of ten MUST HAVES when I was 15. Found the list after Paul & I had been married 10 years. He has all those qualities (tall, dark handsome, athletic, from Southern Cal…) Thank God he also had qualities that actually MATTER when you’re an adult!

    • Susan

      I love it, Gina! It is Amazing what can happen when we are clear on what we want. That is great that you had the insight at 15 years old to know what kind of person that you wanted to spend your life with. Thank you. Have a blessed day :)

  • Kim Hawkins

    I love that you encourage writing down your “must haves” because just like any “goal” we set out the achieve, we have to know what we want. I made a list when I was single and later found some things weren’t a deal breaker (so I re-evaluated) and in the end I did find a mate within the parameters of what I wanted. Love happens in the most unexpected places and times.

    • Susan

      Thank you, Kim! That was great that you had enough insight to re-evaluate what weren’t the deal breakers. The great thing about ‘Must Haves’ are that if the other person wants to be that way, it is something that you can coach them on and vice versa. When a couple’s natures aren’t aligned that one has to take a serious look at and that usually can be a deal breaker. Enjoy, your day :)

  • Lisa Birnesser

    I love this article, Susan. I have made lists in the past and have learned to be as thorough as possible. I revisited my list often because things do change. I LOVE the filling yourself up and being the person you are searching for. I think those are great suggestions. Thank you so much!

    • Susan

      You a re so welcome, Lisa! That is great that you revisited your list often as we change and grow and then our ‘Must Haves’ most often do, as well. Thank you. Have a Fabulous day :)

  • Tara

    Great post Susan. It’s good to be clear right from the start.

    • Susan

      Thanks, Tara! Yes, it is vital to be clear right from the start to have a long lasting relationship, one that is forever. Have a wonderful day!

  • Marie

    Great points. Rather than focusing on finding the right person, we would do much better to focus on being the right person. When we become the person we need/want to be, we are much more likely to attract the kind of people we want to find.

    • Susan

      Thank you, Marie! A lot of times people don’t focus on being the right person 1st and they go from one relationship to another. They think it will be different being in a new relationship, but they are still taking themselves with them and that quite often they are the problem. So when one works on themselves first and consistently does so even when in a relationship, a lot of those problems will no longer be there. I appreciate you, stopping by :)

  • Julie Weishaar

    Great post as always Susan. I like your point that none of us are perfect :) I have always told my children that the perfect mate for them is 1) one who brings out the best in them and 2) one who makes them want to be the best that they can be.

    • Susan

      Thank you, Julie! I have told my children the same thing when they were younger, and I still tell them that as adults, lol. Have a great day!

  • Kelly

    Susan, this is really a great article! I think why so many 2nd and 3rd marriages fail is because people don’t take the time to really work on themselves and get crystal clear about what is most important to them.

    • Susan

      Thank you, Kelly. I appreciate you. Yes, I agree. A lot of times, people think it’s the other person, and that their next marriage will be different. But as you know, if they don’t work on themselves they will get the same results. Have a beautiful day :)

  • Lawrence

    Thank you everyone. And thank you so much Susan.

    If anyone wants to be a guest blogger in the future, let me know.

    Please note that I am only looking for articles about dating and relationships.


    Author of “Kill Me Now!”

    • Susan

      You’re welcome, Lawrence. I’m honored and grateful to be a guest blogger. I appreciate you, thank you!

  • Max M.

    Being the person you want to be yourself is such a key component in the process. If you can’t stand yourself, how do you think someone else can?!

    • Susan

      Thanks, Max! Yes, I might add when you embrace who you truly are it’s so much easier to give and share yourself with others. Have a great night :)

  • Edmund Lee

    Solid advice. Knowing what we want and what we don’t want goes a long way. It’s funny how when we become decisive in our mind, we automatically begin to attract those type of things into our lives. It’s amazing!

    • Susan

      Yes, it is Amazing! Thank you, for stopping by and taking the time to comment, Edmund. Have a wonderful day :)

  • Lorii Abela

    I absolutely agree with Susan. The ultimate test of this exercise is once you have manifested someone in your life. One definitely needs to know at least 3 deal breakers to avoid moving forward once someone not fitting shows up. Happy Manifesting to you, Larry! Have you done your list yet?

    • Lawrence

      Lorii, was that comment for me? My name is Lawrence. I have a cousin named Larry.

      We normally call the “Must haves” as a grocery list. Bonnie Tyler also has a list. Hers is:

      I need a hero, I’m holding out for at hero ’till the end of the night
      He’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
      And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight

  • Norma Doiron @Living|Healthy|Wealthy|Wise

    I agree that you need to be the person you want your potential partner to be – it`s the only way to make it work… Thanks for sharing, Susan!
    The LEARNED Preneur @ NormaDoiron.Net

    • Susan

      You’re welcome, Norma. Yes, that is the only way to make it work! Thank you. Have a blessed day :)

  • Nancy Olson

    I love your tips! I like the idea of writing down the “wants” and “dont wants” in your partner. Maybe if more people did this the divorce rate would be lower.

  • Susan

    Thank you, so much Nancy! I appreciate that. Yes, I agree with you if more people did that the divorce rate would be lower. Have a Fabulous day!

  • Rhonda Uretzky

    The Must Haves list is a must have! It really helps you gain clarity about what you are wanting in your life and in your lover…and that is the first step. You can’t hit a target you can’t see; you have to zero in and focus! Thank you Susan

    • Susan

      You’re welcome! Absolutely, it is so important. Clarity is power, not over somebody else but it give us control over our own lives :) Have a beautiful weekend, thanks!

  • Vicky Savellis-Grant

    Great tips! So true.. must be honest and clear on what you really want. Thanks Susan.

  • Susan

    I appreciate you, Vicky. Thanks for stopping by :) Have a great weekend!

  • Jennifer

    Love the opening quote, Susan! “Perfect” people don’t exist ~ and looking for one as a mate is ignoring your own imperfections. Your advice is very sound, as always. Decide on what your “must haves” are and go from there! Thanks for another wonderful article.

    • Susan

      You’re welcome, Jennifer. Getting clear on our ‘Must Haves’ is so vital. I appreciate you. Thanks. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

  • Carol Giambri

    Great article Susan. I believe no one is perfect, but your list of Must Haves is what to aim higher for vs. settling for second best. I appreciate you!

  • Susan

    Thank you, sweetie. I appreciate you, as well. Have a great night :)

  • Heather

    great tips– thank you! I lucked out that I found my husband before I was even looking— we were young and fell in love before we even thought about marriage. Over the years since marrying him I’ve learned so much about dating and finding a mate— and it helps me in my own marriage for sure. reflecting the kind of person for whom you’re looking is wonderful advice.

    • Susan

      Thank you, Heather. Yes, you were very fortunate in finding your husband before even looking and that you are still very happy together. A true blessing! Have a great week :)

  • Michael McDonald

    Great tips Susan. Good to read some very common sense ideas for something that can get so complicated. Of course when you expect perfection the littlest thing can keep a person from finding the best match.

  • Susan

    Thanks, Mike! I appreciate you stopping by. Have a wonderful week :)

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