You are pretty sure by the tone of his voice when he said, “I’ll call you later” it means you will never see him again. Oh well, chalk it up to another bad date. Damn. You really liked him. You really thought he was The One who could save you from feeling lonely. What did you say or do that turned him off? For those of you who feel clueless when it comes to dating or you have been out of the game for a while, here is how to be a great date:
Dump the Desperation!
No one is going to save you from feeling lonely, make you happy or complete you. That’s a bunch of fairytale bullshit that Hollywood has been feeding you for years. It’s NOT the way healthy, long-term relationships are formed. A relationship that lasts starts when both people are happy with their lives, they just want more. They don’t NEED someone to complete them because they are already complete. There is a big difference between being happy with the where are right now and wanting more and needing things to be different so you can be happy.
Be Honest and Authentic
Dating – especially the first date – is all about deciding whether the two of you are compatible or not. It’s far better to be honest about who you are and what you are looking for right up front. First off, they are going to find out eventually and second of all, being honest will save you a lot of time. It’s far better to have a string of first dates than to waste 3 months (or 3 years!) with someone who is looking for someone with different values than you. If someone doesn’t appreciate who you are, why would you want to be with them anyway? Next!
Be Interested Not Interesting
In my observance of people over the years, I have discovered that people are practically begging to be listened to. They go to great lengths to feel important. This goes for your child, your teenager (especially your teenager!), your boss, your friend, your parent – the most important gift you can give anyone you want to have a relationship with is the gift of your attention. Make them feel important and they can’t help but like you.
Ask your date questions about themselves. Be genuinely interested in listening to their stories. Give them the gift of your undivided attention. You can check your Facebook and Twitter accounts later.
Compliment your date. Notice what they are wearing or compliment them on one of their accomplishments. People might not remember what you said, they might not remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel. Make your date feel special.
Not over-the-top-sexy, but give the other person a little hint that you like sex. After all – isn’t that one of the main reasons relationships get formed in the first place? This can be through a special look, a casual innuendo, or a sly smile. Be inviting and flirtatious, but be careful not to come off as slutty or desperate.
Make the first date short
If the two of you are really getting along well you can always extend the date or agree to go on a second date. But why commit to an entire day if you don’t even know if you can stand this person for an hour? I recommend meeting for coffee – this is just a “sniffing of the butts”, to see if you like each other or not.
Smile. Talk to your date. Laugh easily – if you don’t feel like laughing or smiling, you should be working on your exit strategy!
Don’t Take it So Seriously!
It’s just a date! You are not agreeing to get married, have his baby or even have sex. All you are doing is spending a little bit of time getting to know someone to see if they are worth the second date. If the date doesn’t go well, at least you had the opportunity to sharpen your relationship skills – maybe you even learned a little bit more about yourself and what you do and do not want in a relationship.
Don’t Talk Too Much
Especially don’t talk too much about yourself. No one likes a braggart. You actually leave yourself at a disadvantage if you are the one doing all the talking – that means you know very little about the other person and they know a lot about you. The purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible or not. You can’t know if you are compatible with someone if you don’t know very much about them.
Don’t Be So Judgmental
True story: I was once at a party and was talking to a girlfriend and said something about how ridiculous I thought cowboys and country music were. I turned around, and there – standing right behind me, were two men that were jaw-dropping gorgeous wearing cowboy hats, buckles and boots. I felt like a complete turd and they of course, avoided me the whole night.
You don’t want to unknowingly insult someone you just met by spouting off your opinions about religion, politics or culture. People tend to get very heated and emotional if they feel their beliefs or values are being challenged.
The only time I would advise against this rule is if it’s a core value of yours that your mate be the same religion as you, share the same political beliefs, belong to PETA, etc. In other words; it was not important to me at all what kind of music or clothes my life partner was into and I closed a potential door by spouting off my mouth. If, however, one of my core values for my life partner is that they are Catholic, for example (it’s not), then I would do well to say that from the start. Don’t be afraid to ‘weed out the weak’.
Save your ‘Sob Story’ for Your Therapist
Dumping all of your past garbage onto someone’s lap who doesn’t even know you very well makes you appear desperate and needy – or at the very least, crazy. If you need to vent, tell that sh** to your girlfriend or therapist – not your date.
Leave a Little Mystery!
This pretty much goes hand in hand with Save Your Sob Story for Your Therapist and Be Interested Not Interesting. Do not tell each other’s life stories in the first few dates! “Always leave them wanting more” as Walt Disney has said. You don’t want to reveal too much too soon and destroy any hint of mystery.
Don’t Be a Lush
Don’t get drunk or otherwise intoxicated. Not only is this a major turn-off, but it’s also a personal safety thing. Don’t put yourself in a position where you can be taken advantage of.
It’s time for you to finally get love RIGHT!
Kelly had always dreamed of finding her “Happily Ever After” but like many people, she didn’t grow up with great role models. Kelly’s first attempt at marriage was a disaster. She struggled for the next 6 years as a single mom and went on over a 100 first dates. Finally, by applying Manifestation Principles she had studied since age 9 she was able to attract her right life partner, Dave. They married and started a business the same day. They have been happily working and playing together for 13 years now.Kelly is currently working on a book to detail the steps she took to find her life partner so you can, too.
You can visit her site at http://manifestyournextmate.com/Follow @lbigfoot